(Friday, October 27, 2006/11:38 PM)

Dear diary,
it has been four days of Syawal. Too bad I only celebrated it for two days. Took a lot of pictures. Will post them up soon. As usual, once a year see my cousins and also my cousin whom I have a crush on since young. Hehe! Chit-chatted, gossipped, joked around. My family got too many police guys, so they just hang at one corner talking and bragging about their job while the ladies gossipped around. And as usual whenever me and my cousins met, same old question popped out? Am I dating anyone right now? Well, and my answer will be the same every year. Nope. Not at the moment. Same tradition every year. Boring! But then it was fun lah. Not all the time meet my cousins and relatives. Dont know which one of us will get married first. My aunts was chatting with us and each of them tell me a piece of very good advice. And I will keep it closely to my heart. Tapi a bit merepek lah ye! First day raya, tak wajib kalau tak sampai rumah kul 12 midnite or more. The whole big relatives stucked at Bibik Idah's place watchin the ghost show on Suria. Semuanya kekek! Macam best gitu, biler kiter leh lepak as one big happy family.

My family potrait

My siblings

At Granny's place

The four lovely ladies

Me & my sister

Enough about first day raya. Second day raya, I changed my image. Will get to see from the picture I'm gonna post later aite. Now, I am still in two minds of whether I should change it permanently or not. Munkin hati ini dah terbuka. Efin said its better for me, thanks Efin! Such a dear! As such I will alter your TWO jeans FOC!

My new image

Me & my sister again

My babies cousins & aunt

Ok, so many things happened kind of late. Work getting more and more hectic. Really in need of manpower. Yesterday, the whole day I did opening and closing of counter alone. Only get to go for lunch at 4pm. Mane tak penat!

I knew now you are critically ill. Part of me feel very bad and a part of me feel like heck care about you. But then, I cant lie to myself. I feel like seeing you, visit you but then I knew very well that if I were to see you, I will only let my emotions take control over me. And I dun wish for that to happened again. It takes me a mighty long while to get control of myself and I dont want history to repeat again, going through all those "dreadful" moments. But then the only best way out is, I would just pray silently for your conditon and hopefully things will get better for you.

I asked around, even Bibik's sepupu who is a nurse. She knows best. Its the only way I could find out about the consequences, the treatment and the aftermath. Aku cuma berdoa agar semuanya akan berlaku dengan baiknya. Aku cuma mampu mendoakan yang terbaik untuk dia. Walau macam mana aku cuba untuk membenci dirinya, tapi hakikatnya I cant lie to myself. Though I am not by your side, I am sure you will be surrounded with love and care from your loved ones and her. I make a mistake of callin you up once I get to know about it. Its best if I just control my emotions and cool down beofre I make a decision. And now the best decision is to just pray for your recovery. From the information I obtain, Insyallah since its still in the early stage, its still not so serious as I assumed it would be.

Whatever had happened between us, tidak pernah aku mintak agar dirimu dibalas begini. Tapi sekiranya sudah takdir, aku hanya mampu berserah sahaja.

....Cee-Tee | 0 signing off...